"How do you look through the eyes of the people you love, and who love you?"

One thing that has been constantly on my mind lately is the question; 

"How do you look through the eyes of the people you love, and who love you?"

While, for the most part, the answer is supposed to give you a confidence boost.  Showing you that even when you're feeling the worst you possibly could, you can go, wait a minute, that's not true...

But here I sit, the critical, over-thinker that I am & I'm seeing it more as a "How can I be better?"  

"How can I prove that I really am all that they see me to be?"

Or at the worst "How disappointing am I?"

I want to take it as a challenge.

I mean come on now.  We all have our moments.  We all have things we're not proud of.

And honestly, when it comes down to it, if you can't answer that question without a guilt-trip, without 'happy' thoughts of who you truly are & the direction you're headed in.
You, my friend, are doing something wrong.

I may need some help, but I accept the challenge.  I want to be called out when I'm being a bitch, or being unreasonable.  I want to know when I'm being a downer.  So that I learn to stop myself before things get out of control.  

I do not want a single minute to pass in which my loved ones feel unloved or unwanted.  I do not want a single minute of my selfishness or pride to ruin someone else's day.

We're all just people & we all need to learn not to take things  personally.  If we each just focus on being the best person we can be, there'd be no fear of being seen as something you are not.

You know what the answer should be?  
That no matter how I look to them right now, I will be better tomorrow.  

Because the honest truth is we can all do better.  

This "New" Way of Learning

My child, brilliant, beautiful,
Full of life & shining bright
Wakes up on a school day
Feeling sick.
Tummy problems.
Nerves.

Where he used to look forward to school,
He now seeks any way possible to not go.
It isn't his teacher that's the problem, she's wonderful.
It isn't the kids, he has some great friends.
It's this new way of learning.

It prevents him from truly being him.
It's these moduals & testing.
They make him feel stupid.
Which make his nerves fray,
Which leads to anxiety & tears,
Almost every day.

This is not what I want for my child.
This is not what he deserves.
I will not allow it.

My child, brilliant, beautiful, 
Full of dread & light fading.
Comes home from school

Dragging his feet,
No smile.
Rough day at school,

Now for the homework.
But mama can't help.
I don't understand this "better" way.
But I do understand that it's hurting my child.

Nothing that makes a brilliant child feel less than brilliant is good.
All kids are brilliant, but all kids are not the same.
They do not learn the same.
They do not all have the same strengths and weaknesses.
They are individuals. 

They are meant to be creative and inquisitive.
They are meant to learn by playing, by doing.
They are meant to enjoy being a child.
They are not meant to sit for hours taking a test that does not benefit them in any way.
They do not have the maturity or the mind for this yet.

Challenging kids is necessary and important.
I'm not against setting standards.
I'm against the way we're being forced to accept them.
I'm not against hard work and pushing through.
I'm against the tears of frustration and anxiety of each and every child.

I'm sick of my heart breaking each day my baby looks at me with eyes brimmed in pain.
(Yes, pain.)
I'm going to fight for him.
I'm going to do what ever it takes to make this right.

My child is not a "guinea pig"
My child is not a test subject
He is not a dollar sign or meant to be a rich man's revenue.

My child is brilliant and beautiful,
Full of life.
I'm going to make sure his light keeps shinning bright.
I'm going to fight for him.