Tuesday, September 24, 2013
All you Need...
Until recently I thought love was "all you need". Now I know that's not completely true. I mean, yes, if we could live in a box or stay frozen in one of those special moments you have with your special some one love IS all you need; but the reality is we have to go out in the world. We have to deal with real life. There will be arguments and disagreements but overall, we have to be on the same page, if you're not, you'll need more. Love that isn't willing to go above and beyond for the other - is still love, but it's not all you need. It probably won't be enough.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Hard talks. Awesome son.
The inevitable has happened. But despite that I don't think I'm quite ready.
After I put the younger boys to bed tonight I sat down with my oldest son to have one of those conversations you always think you have a few more years before you have to have. I'm not talking about sex or drugs or any illegal behavior. Those that know me know I'm pretty open with my kids. There isn't much we haven't talked about and their moral compasses are on the right track.
This talk was about how hard it can be to fully know a right from a wrong, but to be in a place where wrong is "right". This talk was about how I fully trust my son, how awkward and uncomfortable these situations can be, and how he 100% will be in a place like this some day, probably multiple times. Peer pressure. (Ugh, do I really have a son this old?!?!?!)
We talked about how there will be decisions he'll have to make on his own. Things to do and places to go that will be his choice alone. I can prepare him, I can give him the tools he needs to make the right decisions but I can't always be there. I can't always guide him. He will need to be free to learn from his mistakes and grow into his own person. I'll always be there no matter what, but he's growing up, whether I like it or not.
I thought I would get the eye-rolls and shoulder shrugs teenagers are known for, instead I had this young man sit next to me and have a full conversation. He told me some of his thoughts and fears. He told me he understood. He made sure I knew that he understood. When our talk was over he gave me a hug and asked me if I had any pimple cream he could use...
God, I'm not ready for this! However, I am amazed and so proud of the young man I now have living under my roof. Thank you!
After I put the younger boys to bed tonight I sat down with my oldest son to have one of those conversations you always think you have a few more years before you have to have. I'm not talking about sex or drugs or any illegal behavior. Those that know me know I'm pretty open with my kids. There isn't much we haven't talked about and their moral compasses are on the right track.
This talk was about how hard it can be to fully know a right from a wrong, but to be in a place where wrong is "right". This talk was about how I fully trust my son, how awkward and uncomfortable these situations can be, and how he 100% will be in a place like this some day, probably multiple times. Peer pressure. (Ugh, do I really have a son this old?!?!?!)
We talked about how there will be decisions he'll have to make on his own. Things to do and places to go that will be his choice alone. I can prepare him, I can give him the tools he needs to make the right decisions but I can't always be there. I can't always guide him. He will need to be free to learn from his mistakes and grow into his own person. I'll always be there no matter what, but he's growing up, whether I like it or not.
I thought I would get the eye-rolls and shoulder shrugs teenagers are known for, instead I had this young man sit next to me and have a full conversation. He told me some of his thoughts and fears. He told me he understood. He made sure I knew that he understood. When our talk was over he gave me a hug and asked me if I had any pimple cream he could use...
God, I'm not ready for this! However, I am amazed and so proud of the young man I now have living under my roof. Thank you!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Land-Owners
So the land has been purchased. Completed. Bought. I still don't know if it was the right decision but the boys are excited. We went there today to walk the perimeter and explore a little. They were so happy. Already pointing out exactly where they want "their" log fort to be and "claiming" their trees. With 3 boys I think everything will always be an adventure... and a fight.
They are planning out their next big thing. Picturing in their heads exactly what they'd like the new house, yard and their bedrooms to look like. I can't lie, I'm doing the same. Just in my head there is still the doubt. Now we have the land but I'm I just going to end up disappointing them (and me) again...
We were supposed to close on the land back in December 2012. Here it is September 2013. It was us holding off. Not doubting the big commitment of land but doubting our marriage. I do feel we had somewhat of a moral obligation to the land owner because we initiated the sale, but I still don't feel it was the best thing to do for us.
What's next? There will be the big job of clearing the area for a house. I'll have to speak to a couple banks to see what kind of builder's loan we can get. Then comes the stressful house-building... if we get that far.
See I am an optimist - I want things to work out - but I'm also not someone who can wait forever. I know that I can do-have-get what ever I need or want, I'm just that kind of person, but I'm a little confused right now as to what those are right now. It sucks when all you get is "I'm trying..."
They are planning out their next big thing. Picturing in their heads exactly what they'd like the new house, yard and their bedrooms to look like. I can't lie, I'm doing the same. Just in my head there is still the doubt. Now we have the land but I'm I just going to end up disappointing them (and me) again...
We were supposed to close on the land back in December 2012. Here it is September 2013. It was us holding off. Not doubting the big commitment of land but doubting our marriage. I do feel we had somewhat of a moral obligation to the land owner because we initiated the sale, but I still don't feel it was the best thing to do for us.
What's next? There will be the big job of clearing the area for a house. I'll have to speak to a couple banks to see what kind of builder's loan we can get. Then comes the stressful house-building... if we get that far.
See I am an optimist - I want things to work out - but I'm also not someone who can wait forever. I know that I can do-have-get what ever I need or want, I'm just that kind of person, but I'm a little confused right now as to what those are right now. It sucks when all you get is "I'm trying..."
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
More Important than the Show
Watching my kids (or any kid really)
- do something new
- see something new
- experience something new.
- do something new
- see something new
- experience something new.
Best thing ever.
Watching their faces not what they're watching.
Hearing their laughter not just the joke.
Seeing the sparkle in their eyes when they're smiling.
Best thing ever.
Another best thing - seeing someone else seeing what's more important than the show and watching them enjoy catching that glimpse of pure joy.
Best thing ever.
I am one lucky girl to have so much of that all around me and parents that made sure I always saw more than what was right in front of me.
Summer Ending Just Means Some New Beginnings.
This morning I woke up earlier than usual and ventured into each of my boys' room to make sure they were rising with the sun too. Today was the first day of school. Summer is over. I know people say it all the time, but it's still crazy - Time passes far to quickly.
Christopher starts 7th grade this year... SEVENTH. I took him to get his haircut today and it was like a transformation. I went in there with my first baby, my precious son-shine, and although he's still the same, when all was said and done out walked a handsome teenager.
I remember when he was in kindergarten. I remember the very moment I realized that as small as he was, and as much as he still needed me, my baby now had a life of his own and that I didn't necessarily (and never would again) know everyone that he knows. He was 5 years old and we were at the YMCA swim lessons. He looked at me and said "Mom, I want to go say 'hi' to him." and he pointed at this life guard. At first I looked at him, baffled, and asked him why. He told me he was a teacher's helper and had played in class with him earlier. I gave my son a smile and an okay. He went right over and had a little conversation with this lifeguard, who remembered him and made him feel so special. I don't remember the guy's name, but I'll always remember how special he made my boy feel and that very moment my boy had a life outside of mom.
That first realization as a mother is always the hardest. I wanted to cry and smile at the same time. So proud of my little man, but so sad that as each day passed my little man was becoming a bigger man. It goes by so quickly. And so it goes with each of my sons.
Jadan is going into 6th grade. As the middle child, he's in a "been there, done that" place. It's not as hard to let him go, but I'm just as proud of all he is becoming. He has a special gift. No matter how bad your day is, no matter what goes wrong, this little boy can make you smile. Between that and 'empathy' being his middle name - he is such an amazing genuine guy.
Last year Jadan had his first "crush". As a 10 year old I fully expected my boys to get crushes soon... but maybe not like this and maybe not as soon. Jadan would come home from school and daydream about her. He would tell me stories about funny things she said or did. He made me scared to think of what high school and real girlfriends would bring - but that's just my Jadan. He becomes fully devoted and genuinely concerned about anything he cares about. He admitted to me earlier today that this girl still crosses his mind and he doesn't know if he'll ever like anyone else, but thankfully (for this mama anyways) said girl has moved away. Hopefully my sweet boy will get a little more mature before next crush comes along. Only time will tell - his heart is beautiful.
Ethan, my littlest love, is going to 3rd grade this year. He had a hard time this morning. Not in a "I'm not going!" kind of way, but in a "tummy-hurts-I'm-so-nervous" way. He is my fire-cracker. High emotions, yet no fear. Dennis the Menace with dark hair. His day was fun as I expected. He bounced off the bus and into my arms the same way he always has. He has some old friends in his classroom and he made some new ones. He loves his teacher. Just what a mom wants to hear. I'm happy for him. He is my sweet baby baby boy.
Sending your baby is as hard, if not worse, than sending your firstborn. When the baby goes it's over. It's not so much you're not needed anymore, as it's you're not wanted quite so much. Not that I think my boys will ever not want me, but they are coming into their own independence. Their own thoughts, their own struggles, their own joys. I can't always be a part of that and I have to accept it and be steadfast and always there when it's important to be. They can always count on me and they know it.
As the new school year starts I look forward to seeing how my mini men grow and change and learn. I am so proud of all they are becoming. I already see how amazing they are and know as they take these steps without me, others will see it too because that is who they are, not just what I'm raising them to be.
Christopher starts 7th grade this year... SEVENTH. I took him to get his haircut today and it was like a transformation. I went in there with my first baby, my precious son-shine, and although he's still the same, when all was said and done out walked a handsome teenager.
I remember when he was in kindergarten. I remember the very moment I realized that as small as he was, and as much as he still needed me, my baby now had a life of his own and that I didn't necessarily (and never would again) know everyone that he knows. He was 5 years old and we were at the YMCA swim lessons. He looked at me and said "Mom, I want to go say 'hi' to him." and he pointed at this life guard. At first I looked at him, baffled, and asked him why. He told me he was a teacher's helper and had played in class with him earlier. I gave my son a smile and an okay. He went right over and had a little conversation with this lifeguard, who remembered him and made him feel so special. I don't remember the guy's name, but I'll always remember how special he made my boy feel and that very moment my boy had a life outside of mom.
That first realization as a mother is always the hardest. I wanted to cry and smile at the same time. So proud of my little man, but so sad that as each day passed my little man was becoming a bigger man. It goes by so quickly. And so it goes with each of my sons.
Jadan is going into 6th grade. As the middle child, he's in a "been there, done that" place. It's not as hard to let him go, but I'm just as proud of all he is becoming. He has a special gift. No matter how bad your day is, no matter what goes wrong, this little boy can make you smile. Between that and 'empathy' being his middle name - he is such an amazing genuine guy.
Last year Jadan had his first "crush". As a 10 year old I fully expected my boys to get crushes soon... but maybe not like this and maybe not as soon. Jadan would come home from school and daydream about her. He would tell me stories about funny things she said or did. He made me scared to think of what high school and real girlfriends would bring - but that's just my Jadan. He becomes fully devoted and genuinely concerned about anything he cares about. He admitted to me earlier today that this girl still crosses his mind and he doesn't know if he'll ever like anyone else, but thankfully (for this mama anyways) said girl has moved away. Hopefully my sweet boy will get a little more mature before next crush comes along. Only time will tell - his heart is beautiful.
Ethan, my littlest love, is going to 3rd grade this year. He had a hard time this morning. Not in a "I'm not going!" kind of way, but in a "tummy-hurts-I'm-so-nervous" way. He is my fire-cracker. High emotions, yet no fear. Dennis the Menace with dark hair. His day was fun as I expected. He bounced off the bus and into my arms the same way he always has. He has some old friends in his classroom and he made some new ones. He loves his teacher. Just what a mom wants to hear. I'm happy for him. He is my sweet baby baby boy.
Sending your baby is as hard, if not worse, than sending your firstborn. When the baby goes it's over. It's not so much you're not needed anymore, as it's you're not wanted quite so much. Not that I think my boys will ever not want me, but they are coming into their own independence. Their own thoughts, their own struggles, their own joys. I can't always be a part of that and I have to accept it and be steadfast and always there when it's important to be. They can always count on me and they know it.
As the new school year starts I look forward to seeing how my mini men grow and change and learn. I am so proud of all they are becoming. I already see how amazing they are and know as they take these steps without me, others will see it too because that is who they are, not just what I'm raising them to be.
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