It's finally Spring - a memory from 2014

A railroad track runs through the small woods behind our home. On one side, trees, on the other wetlands, and a field. At springtime everything is coming alive. The grass, fresh & green. The flowers beginning to bud. Birds singing their cheerful songs. Tadpoles and polliwogs swimming in their muck. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the delicious Spring air. Turning my gaze to the small boy at my side I smiled. Peace & gratefulness filled my entire being, as I realized he was taking in the amazing beauty of the day with the same awe and reverence. He saw me looking at him, a sparkle shone in his eyes as he said "It's finally Spring, isn't it Mom!"  I nodded as he happily grabbed my hand and declared "Let's run!"

How Long

His smell, his sounds
The look in his eyes
His lips, his taste
The way that he sighs

He’s here, he’s back
“Thank you God” I pray
He sees me, he hears me
We laugh and we play

He can feel my pain
I don’t have to be strong
I can let it all go
I was alone for so long

He kisses my lips
His hand caresses my thigh
With love and longing
His gaze burns into mine

I’m safe, I’m loved
The tears run free
Protective walls crumble down
He whispers his sweet promises to me

I will never again be abandoned
I will not be swept aside
He will stay here with me
He will never again hide

He will not sneak away
To the lonely space in his mind
A place where I’m not welcomed
A place I can’t find

I yearn to believe him
To always feel safe
I wish to stay forever
In his loving embrace

For now he is mine
For now I can breathe
I make love to him fiercely
My heart ache relieved

I can relish in the ecstacy
of being intoxicated with his being
I can’t waste even one moment
I can’t miss a thing... 

I can’t bear the thought of waking
And seeing emptiness in his eyes
To feel the love snatched away
To again choke down bitter cries

I can’t bare the anguish
Of seeing his face
When all that was there
Is just dead and gone, no trace

Will it be the dreaded end?
Or will he once again find his way home?
How long will next time take?
How long will I be alone?

Alone with empty promises
That I fear are all just lies
To keep me endlessly waiting
For the love to return to his eyes

But this time he came home
And he’s mine, he’s here, I’m safe
Maybe this time he won’t go back
To his dark and lonely place.

Then he leaves...