When you go through life you create your dream, looking back may at times make you feel as though what you were living was not in fact reality - but it was for you. It was your dream, and there can be no regrets in that. Love is blind and accepting.
Sometimes two dreamers continue on, making their dream together, but there are also times when those dreamers start a different dream, one that may change the reality that was known for so long, which causes us to see that what we thought was there, was not always there for the other. Each person's perception of the same event can be startlingly different.
This was a dream I had one night, but I awoke before I could find out what happened, and in my grogginess I too felt stuck.
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Once upon a time there was a young girl who fell in love. That
alone, isn't what makes this story special. There are many stories in which a
young girl falls in love. What makes this story special is that this love was a
special kind of love. A once in a lifetime, kind of love. A love so deep that
when it was returned there was nothing that it couldn't accomplish.
The young girl herself was a little different. She didn't
see people in their physical form. When she looked into someone's eyes, she
immediately saw their soul and glimpsed a part of them that they might not even
know existed. She knew the human form was limited, flawed, and fragile. She
knew the soul was boundless, perfect, and strong. The soul was there to learn
and grow, to become more, while the body was only a temporary vessel.
This girl seemed self-conscience or timid to many who knew her,
even to the point that occasionally she seemed conceited or egotistical. In reality,
she felt to deeply, cared to much, and couldn't bear to be out in the world
without her guard up. The arrogance of the world hurt her. Though, at the same
time, she knew everything was as it was supposed to be, and that she had to
accept it.
One day she met a young boy, he was awkward, but full of laughter.
His eyes seemed to twinkle, and when he smiled the edges of them crinkled
making his whole face light up. The moment she saw him, she knew there was
something special about him. She knew that someday there would be significance
in their chance meeting.
Some years past, before they met again. Every once in a while, she
would think of him and remember the smile that lit up his face, so when she saw
him again she recognized him instantly.
It was the year the town decided to host a picnic. All the local
villages were invited. The menu was planned and the festivities scheduled. The
girl and her best friend headed to the stage area to watch a band perform. As
the singer sang, and the guitarist strummed the girl noticed the boy playing on
the drums. When the song ended he glimpsed up and their eyes met. There was the
twinkle she remembered! She felt a blush come to her cheeks. When the set ended
he came over to her. The rest of the night was a blur of laughter, fun, and
getting to know each other.
Though he lived a village over, the two became inseparable. If
they weren't together they were thinking of each other. Their parents would
sometimes become annoyed or try to limit their interactions. All that did was
make them yearn for each other more. Their families had different principles
they lived by, which made it difficult for the families to accept each other.
Though the girl saw the kindness in both, what really made her pursue the boy
was the connection she felt to his core. She knew he was so much more than what
her parents saw.
When the girl looked at this boy she saw who he really was - kind,
caring and loving, devoted to her, a hard-worker, who wasn't afraid to fight
for what he wanted. His laughter was contagious. There was rarely a time he
wasn't smiling, and if he wasn't he had good reason. She felt she could tell
him anything. They were friends. He was a rock on which she could build a
future. So she did. She put her trust in what she saw physically and felt
internally. She gave him her heart.
They married. As the years past they bought a house, had children,
and built a life together. The two of them stayed close. Though sometimes the
tension of life got to them, they had each other. As soon as they climbed into
bed at night the stress seemed to melt away and they were there, in their
special place, just the two of them. Nothing else mattered because they had
each other and that was the most important thing of all. They made plans for their
future and set some goals.
As part of these plans, the boy began working longer and longer
hours. The girl ran the household and raised the children. This was in an
effort to reach their goals as quickly as possible. Though the boy was becoming
more and more absent, the girl did her best to understand where he was coming
from. He had a family to provide for, a goal they had set together. He always
came home when the work was done. She was strong and independent; she was happy
to pick up the slack because their love was steadfast. But she missed him.
The children would sometimes ask about him or comment on how they
missed him, and she made sure they understood he loved them; that he was
working hard so that they could have all they wanted. The two still went out
together occasionally. They still touched. But as the time past, and the
children grew, the boy's absence affected them all. Though it hurt right now,
the girl knew deep down he’d come around. She knew who he was, she was sure of
it.
Then the unthinkable happened. The girl received news that her
best friend was very sick. She rushed to be by her friend’s side, but was too
late. She remembered touching her friend's hand one more time; saying goodbye.
The rest was a blur.
Somehow the girl was home. Her children were there with her, each
of them sad, tears trickling down their cheeks. This made it worse. The girl
felt their pain as well as her own. She broke into sobs. Then quickly regained
herself, deciding right then and there that she would be a strong for her
children. After they have gone to bed, she thought, then I can have my moment
to weep, and he will be there to hold me. He was.
This was the very first time the girl had ever lost someone close
to her. It was the first time there would be no tomorrow with her precious
friend in it. The girl sank into a depression, the sadness overwhelming her.
She couldn't function. She did the best she could with her children, but the
house became cluttered and the minimum was done each day. She knew she was
wrong. She knew she had to shake this, but no matter how she tried the despair
had it's grasp on her, and it would not let her go. The girl expected the boy
to help her. If nothing else, to at least be there, to help her pull out of
this gloom and be happy again. She needed his touch, his smile. It didn't
happen though, instead she scared him. He had never seen her this way, so weak
and inconsolable; so he left whenever he could, with whatever excuse
he could find.
She noticed the boy’s smile had faded. Instead of his face
lighting up when he saw her, his eyes would barely catch her own. The girl felt
his distance. It hurt. She would try her hardest to be strong. To make him
happy, to show him how loved and appreciated he was. Instead of this having her
desired effect, it seemed to annoy him, in turn he gave minimally and avoided
her even more.
She was stuck wondering what she had done to him, while also mourning
the loss of her friend. Despite that, she somewhat understood
how unnerving she must be. She felt lost and betrayed but began to do
her best to pull herself up. The connection she had with the boy was
strained and confusing… She felt as if she had lost two people at once.
The girl did not want to give up. She made the decision to become
the best she could be. She knew she had to re-find herself and not be dependent
on anyone else. This changed her. Everything she had known was gone; so she
focused her mind on self-discovery, and poured her heart into her children and
the things that made her happy.
She had her moments of misery; the boy was the one thing that
always filled her heart with happiness. Though at this time she realized she
had to set that aside for now, until a time when he was ready to be hers again.
As much as she missed him, she knew deep down that forcing him to be a part of
her life wasn’t really what she wanted or needed. She wanted to be his choice,
otherwise, it wouldn’t be the real authentic love she had thought they had.
So she waited, impatiently, but waiting just the same. Praying
that the promises and “I love you’s” that fell from his lips would be true
soon…
