To my sons -

I am so proud of the men you are becoming. As you mature and become all you're meant to be here are some things I would like you to remember. I know as you grow you will learn your own lessons, but these are important things that I have learned and I want to pass on to you.  I'm sure there will be more to add as the years go on, but for now, here they are.

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In no particular order:

What you do when no one can see you defines the kind of person you are.

You will never know a stronger pull than that of your friends trying to get you to participate in something you don't feel comfortable with. Resisting makes you a man. Succumbing makes you a coward.

Pay attention and always trust your instincts. Follow your gut!

Keep your hands to yourself unless you are defending yourself. NEVER throw the first punch. The strongest man is the one that has self-control and knows when it’s right to walk away and when they should stand up and fight.

Even if you "win" cheating – you didn’t REALLY win.

There will always be winners and losers in life. Sometimes you will be the loser - don't dwell on it, learn from it!

Always treat a girl like you’d want your mom/sister/daughter treated.

If you can’t be open and honest in a relationship it is a RED flag!

Never betray trust.

Always tell the truth.

If you feel you have to lie about it later, you probably shouldn’t do it in the first place.

Clean up after yourself – it’s no one else’s responsibility.

Say "please" and "thank you".

Surround yourself with people who build you up, not those that pull you down.

Be yourself. If you have to hid who you are, or pretend you're something you are not - you are only harming yourself and are in the wrong place with the wrong people.

You can be an example to others - sometimes it’s hard to do what is right, but when you stand up for what you believe in you will feel amazing about yourself and others may follow your lead.

Open doors and give up your seat when necessary.

The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Only treat other people the way you’d want to be treated. EMPATHY.

Admit when you are wrong.

Being a man means being responsible – even when you don’t want to be. You can’t always do whatever you want whenever you want, especially when you have others counting on you.

Betrayal in a relationship means doing anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partner – not just sex. If you can't tell your partner about it, you probably shouldn't do it, OR you shouldn't be with them.

Be thankful – be mindful of the things you are provided with and given.

The first shall be last. True manhood puts others first.

Actually being a man is more important than "talking" like one.

Always do your best, even when it's not something you're fond of doing.

Have confidence in yourself and your abilities. You were born to be amazing, and you just keep getting better!

Hard times teach you lessons and you become a better person as you work through them.

When you really care about something, don't be afraid to put your all into it.

Be slow to anger. Take the time to take a few deep breathes, before reacting.
Your reaction to whatever happens to you, both good and bad, can make all the difference in the world.

Things are seldom as awful as they seem at first.

Never take advantage of the kindness of others.

It's always give and take, not just take.

Actions speak louder than words, but it's also nice to hear "I love you".

Time goes by quickly, so make memories and spend time with those you love when ever you can. "This to shall pass"; the bad AND the good.

Money isn't everything!  It is nice, and it can make life easier, but remember it's down low on the list of what makes life great!  

If you think you're to small to make a difference remember what it's like to trying to sleep with a mosquito in your bedroom!  (Paraphrased from Dalai Lama XIV)

Emotions are a tricky thing. Be aware of the confusion they are bound to cause. Many times in your life you will find yourself torn between emotions and intelligence. 

Patience! Patience! Patience!

When you close your eyes each night tell God "Thank you" for all you have and when you wake up each morning ask Him to bless your day and help you be the best you possible.

The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

I needed to add the below agreements. They have changed my life, and I hope that you will also accept them as your own. The agreements may be hard to live by when you start, but it does get easier, and living by them will help you be able to release so much of the negativity of this world we live in and be the best person you can be.  

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It is my goal to raise you to be confident, capable, adults who don't settle for the mediocre world we live in. It is my goal to give you all the tools I can so when you go out into the world you will not need me. I will be there, always, to revel in each of your accomplishments, but you were meant to soar and I know I can't always hold your hand.

I love you my Son-shines , my knights, my baby boys,
~Mom

He's Growing Up

Last week my first baby went away on a week long camping trip with one of my best friends.  It was hard for me to let him go.  At first I was trying to think of any silly, stupid reason to say "no"... but then I realized it was ME and not him that wasn't ready for this.  He's almost 13.  He's thoughtful and kind.  He knows right from wrong and he really cares.  He's a good kid.  He'll be okay without me, maybe even more than okay.  With remorse and amusement I realized it was time to start nudging him slowly out of the nest.  (How did so many years pass so quickly?)

Now, anyone that knows me knows this doesn't mean what it might to some.  Humans are blessed with more than a season to kick their little chicks out of the nest.  I'm thankful for that.  For me, it just means that it's time for him to be given some more responsibilities, to have a few more privileges, to be able to mature at a rate that I may not be ready for.  It means he still needs me, but not quite so much, and as hard as that might be for me, I need to let him start practicing his flying techniques... slowly of course, but flying all the same.

At least he'll always be my Son-Shine!

Give and Take

I gave you my all and by giving you my all I gave up so much of myself.  I didn't do it intentionally, it was just that I loved you enough to put you first.  Even when it was hard, even when it wasn't something I wanted to do - all for you.  I won't say it was easy or that I never bitched about it, but it's true I let you do pretty much whatever you wanted to do.

I allowed it because despite it all I still had the twinkle in your eye.  You wanted me.  You made me feel special and loved.  You spent time with me and held me.  I knew I was your #1.  No, you weren't perfect (neither was I), you could've done better (can't everyone) but at the core there was us, so no matter what I had that to fall back on.  Then you took that away.

When you took that away you crushed me.  It left me wondering what was holding us together.  Instead of being there, giving me your time and attention and making me feel special again - so that core of us could return - you turned your back and just want me to pretend nothing happened and go back to the way things were.

How can I go back to that?  I can't do it - I can't be the giver and never receive anything.

If you blindside someone and completely destroy all they thought was true - when you truly love them you do what it takes to prove it's true again.  But you disagree, you think that I am the only one that feels this is right.  Why? 

I don't want to change you.  I love you.  What I want is for you to make better decisions and be considerate of me and my feelings.  I want you to care.  It wasn't all that long ago you did.

I can let things go, but you kind of have to too.  It's a give and a take, not just a take.