Going with the Flow

One thing I've learned in the past few months is that letting go can be painful, but fighting the pain and negativity is so much more painful than just releasing yourself to the flow of life. It's so silly that we humans continually fight the things we can not change.  It's easier said then done, but your life is your story to write and no one else can make your ending.

I remember being in labor the first time, the seemingly spine-shattering contractions that wreaked my body. I remember all my muscles tensing up to confront these pains that no one should ever feel. I struggled against the spasms that felt so much like death, even though I knew they would bring life. That was when it hit me. To breathe, to relax, to go with the flow of what was coming whether I was ready for it or not. My reaction to the contractions would not make them stop.  I could tense up and fight them or relax and let my body do what it was made to do.  A peace came over me and I felt the pain subsiding. It didn't disappear; it just now had a greater purpose, and as I consciously pictured in my mind the job my body was destined to do, the pain became manageable. It was there, but because I accepted it and relaxed into it, it was no longer so bad.  It was only pain, it had a purpose, and it would pass. 

I've been thinking a lot about destiny lately.  I do believe that our spirits have chosen a life path.  That everything in life has a purpose.  Lessons to learn.  That our spirits knew what knowledge we needed before we even came to live this human life.  Because of this I'm learning to let go and go with the flow.  I don't want to fight any more.  I want to accept my destiny and live my life to the fullest.  I want to relax and know that everything will fall into place, exactly as it was meant to be.  Life can throw some pretty strong labor contractions at us, but no matter how painful they get, if we look forward to the new life being created by them there is light at the end of the tunnel.  The lesson your spirit meant you to learn so that you will be a stronger, better person.  New.

Own the pain and accept it, when you avoid it you only delay the healing.

THE best boys

These are my 3 boys. 

Ethan is the youngest.  He shines with giggles and mischief.  He's all boy.  My little snuggle-bug.  My dare-devil.  No fear.  One look at his face, no matter what, and you'll feel happy.  There is no way around it.  He was made to make sure this mom smiles and feels that unconditional love every single day.  He's just simply beautiful. 

Christopher is the oldest.  He is my son-shine.  My first born.  The rock that is always there.  His grin and bear hugs are two of my favorite things.  I love his curiosity.  I love how important it is to him to be honorable.  He is exceptional.  He always works his hardest at what ever task he has to accomplish.  I'm so proud of the young man he is becoming.

Jadan is my middle child.  The glue that holds us all together.  He always has a joke or grand story to tell.  He loves learning new things about the outdoors.  It's amazing how much information he retains and how excited he can be to share it.  He just absorbs so much.  He is my cowboy.  I can always rely on him.  Even when he's upset or doesn't like what he has to do - he does the right thing.

These 3 are my most precious gifts.  I love them with all my heart and always will. 

Watching... From July 17, 2013

What is wrong with me?  Something must be, I mean why else would the man who is supposed to love me the most not want to be with me? 

He keeps saying he does, but actions speak louder than words.

The most ridiculous part of the whole thing is that here I am screaming - If you would just give me some time and attention I wouldn't care if you wanted to do your own thing too! 

I do NOT want to be single but committed.  I want committed and TOGETHER. 
If that's not what you want, I can't do it anymore.

If I have to do it all alone and be alone too I can handle that... but not while you're standing there watching. 

Integrity

What is integrity?  Ralph Waldo Emerson defined it as "Doing the right thing, even when no one is looking."  That sums it up for me.  I believe that you have integrity when you live honestly and truthfully.  It's when you know what is right in your core and you choose to follow it no matter what anyone else says or does.  It's being true to yourself, but doing no harm.

That is the main value I hope to instill in my children.  I want them to know in their very core things that are right compared to something that is wrong.  It's a gut feeling.  There are some things that are a matter of opinion, but then there are things that are just flat out wrong.  Guess what? - It's not judgmental to know those things are wrong and to live in a way that shows that.

My boys have their days, as we all do, when they can be unruly or annoying or just mean, but when you pull them aside, look into their eyes and ask them what's going on, they OWN their bad behavior.  We talk about it and make a plan to do better, to be better.  One of the biggest problems with society today is people not owning their decisions, people not taking responsibility for their actions, people blaming other when THEY did the wrong!  I refuse to allow that in my home.

I realized how I've been training them was really working after a recent trip to Wal-Mart.  Chris (12)  has 2 pet lizards.  When we got them we went to get a cage with a lid. Cages no longer come with lids.  You need to purchase a cage AND a lid.  We got what we needed and to fit in the cart with other things we set the lid on top of the cage and continue shopping.  At checkout we set the cage on the conveyor belt without even thinking about the lid.  Everything gets scanned, I go to pay and Chris says "Wait a minute, the lid didn't get scanned".  It was one of those so proud, but "shhhhh" type moments!  The cashier actually said "The cage doesn't come with a lid, that's ridiculous!" 

Bottom line: Do what's right, even when no one is looking; and even when it'd be easier to do the wrong thing.

One more thing I'd like to add more because I don't want to forget than anything:
Chris is a pretty good basketball player.  The kind of player that plays the WHOLE game.  He loves it.  While at one of his travel team tournaments, he was again in for the game.  The team had a time out the last quarter, only a few minutes left when Chris realized that one of his good friends hadn't been in to play at all.  The coach goes to send the kids back onto the court and Chris decides he's a little to tired to play and he'd like his friend to go in instead.  As before, one of those so proud, but "shhhhh" type moments.  I'm so proud  that my son knows winning isn't everything - it's more important to make someone feel good and to have fun.  It's a true friend that cares more about someone's feelings than being the star.