Integrity

What is integrity?  Ralph Waldo Emerson defined it as "Doing the right thing, even when no one is looking."  That sums it up for me.  I believe that you have integrity when you live honestly and truthfully.  It's when you know what is right in your core and you choose to follow it no matter what anyone else says or does.  It's being true to yourself, but doing no harm.

That is the main value I hope to instill in my children.  I want them to know in their very core things that are right compared to something that is wrong.  It's a gut feeling.  There are some things that are a matter of opinion, but then there are things that are just flat out wrong.  Guess what? - It's not judgmental to know those things are wrong and to live in a way that shows that.

My boys have their days, as we all do, when they can be unruly or annoying or just mean, but when you pull them aside, look into their eyes and ask them what's going on, they OWN their bad behavior.  We talk about it and make a plan to do better, to be better.  One of the biggest problems with society today is people not owning their decisions, people not taking responsibility for their actions, people blaming other when THEY did the wrong!  I refuse to allow that in my home.

I realized how I've been training them was really working after a recent trip to Wal-Mart.  Chris (12)  has 2 pet lizards.  When we got them we went to get a cage with a lid. Cages no longer come with lids.  You need to purchase a cage AND a lid.  We got what we needed and to fit in the cart with other things we set the lid on top of the cage and continue shopping.  At checkout we set the cage on the conveyor belt without even thinking about the lid.  Everything gets scanned, I go to pay and Chris says "Wait a minute, the lid didn't get scanned".  It was one of those so proud, but "shhhhh" type moments!  The cashier actually said "The cage doesn't come with a lid, that's ridiculous!" 

Bottom line: Do what's right, even when no one is looking; and even when it'd be easier to do the wrong thing.

One more thing I'd like to add more because I don't want to forget than anything:
Chris is a pretty good basketball player.  The kind of player that plays the WHOLE game.  He loves it.  While at one of his travel team tournaments, he was again in for the game.  The team had a time out the last quarter, only a few minutes left when Chris realized that one of his good friends hadn't been in to play at all.  The coach goes to send the kids back onto the court and Chris decides he's a little to tired to play and he'd like his friend to go in instead.  As before, one of those so proud, but "shhhhh" type moments.  I'm so proud  that my son knows winning isn't everything - it's more important to make someone feel good and to have fun.  It's a true friend that cares more about someone's feelings than being the star.