Cliche but - GOODBYE and GOOD RIDDANCE 2013

I supposed I should count 2013 as a good year because of what I have learned, become, but I am so glad to leave those feelings of insecurity behind.  This year I have grown so much.  I've learned lessons that I didn't know I needed to learn.  I've proven to myself that I am stronger than I thought I was and no matter what happens in life I just need to continue to be the best me I can be, always.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was that you can not ever force someone to do, to be, to feel.  They have to figure it out for themselves... hopefully before it's to late.  I mean, honestly, what is the point of spending time with, or doing something with a person that doesn't want to be there?  It just makes it miserable for all involved.  It's so incredibly hard when all you want in the entire world is them to "want" to be there when they don't, (believe me I know!) but that's life and what good will forcing them bring to you?  

After-all, I've been through this past year with my marriage I can honestly say that things ARE better.  I don't necessarily think things are so much better with my marriage, as they are with me.  I have endured and put in all the effort I can or want to.  And with that said, I can't honestly say that we will last.  There are to many differences.  To much lack of truly caring.  Not enough true love. 

And I'm sorry people - you can not survive on love alone.  (True love, maybe, because that's the love that goes the distance.)  Go ahead, try to change my mind.  If you could be locked in a room with your man and room service and silky sheets - sure you'll survive, but this is the real world we live in.  There are responsibilities and chores and other people and work and laundry and.... the list goes on and on.  The only way to really survive together is to be partners.  To share the load.  To take a turn being the "rock" once in awhile so the other can recharge.

I do love Sean with all my heart.  I still want him to be my man, but more than that I want him to WANT to be my man.  I DO want to "make it".  We're from entirely different backgrounds and were bought up with entirely different standards.  I don't want to settle anymore and if he doesn't want to "step up to the plate" I love him (and I love myself) enough to let him go.  It will hurt.  If I could get through this past year, I'd survive though.  I have come to a point where I have taken the reins in my life again and nothing or anybody can take them away again. 

As the start of a new year, I vow to be happy no matter what it takes and to make sure my boys learn to be a partner.  Not just when it's convenient, even when it's back-breaking hard labor.

Here's to 2014!