I wish I wasn't an emotional person.  I wish I could just maintain the truths I hear in my head and not deal with the annoying emotions that seem to crawl out - no matter how hard I try to talk them down. 

There is a constant battle of mind and heart inside me.  I wish I could turn it off or at least have some kind of control over them - I used to be able to hold it all in, be in control, or at least collapse in them in safety, on my own, when I chose.  Not anymore.  Now the pain and sadness creeps out of no where, without much help.  The urge to cry, to scream, to leave and abandon everything so that I can start fresh.  I just want the slate wiped clean. 

I feel weak - even when I know I'm being strong. 

I'm sick of feeling the constant contradictions inside me. 

I am stronger than my fears - yet they constantly seem to hold me back.  When I fight them and try my hardest to ignore or be more lenient awful anxieties overtake me, I'm surprised my entire body doesn't shake because it feels that way.  Like a drug withdrawal. 

It's hard to not care when all you want to do is care. 

When the one and only thing you want seems so far away and so hard to achieve...